Black Hole

I have known that I would be spending the majority of my summer training to be a secondary spanish teacher since mid-October of 2009 when I found out that I was accepted into Teach for America. I've know that I would be thrown in front of a group of kids, many of whom do not care to be sitting in front of me, many of whom have already accepted the feeling of academic defeat. I've known that for 6 weeks out of my summer I would get about 3-5 hours of sleep each night. Yet for the last 8 months, I have not felt even the least bit apprehensive, nervous, or scared. However I suppose the culmination of that prior knowledge is NOW. It's 12 hours before my Milwaukee-->DCA Airtran flight, and I just feel FUNNY. What I have realized is that in all my other endeavors--study abroad, travel, summer jobs, academic year-long jobs--I have gone into knowing that at if its not for me, it will all be over soon. But this, Teach for America, is not a summer job. Nor is it a part time job to pay the rent during the academic year. It's a two year adventure that I'm sure will consume the majority of my time and leave me feeling exhausted at times and accomplished at others. I'm not walking five minutes out of the Embassy to Gordon Commons, nor am I riding my bike 15 minutes to Madison West High School. I'm packing up EVERYTHING I have (which, to be honest, fills just about 4 large suitcases and about 4 filing boxes) and taking it cross country. I've signed a lease on an apartment which I have yet to see, work in a county that I've never been to before and in a school which I haven't even been assigned yet.

While I still don't feel scared or nervous, I just feel a little uneasy. Uneasy that I'm throwing myself into this vaguely defined black hole which I know will consume me, yet into which I still willingly jump head first. So ladies and gentlemen, here I go.