Below is a post that I wrote on November 24, but never published. Found it in my draft folder. Enjoy.
November 24, 2010
Salaam ya shabab. I am sitting at the airport waiting for my flight home to Wisconsin for Thanksgiving break. All that I have gotz to say is that Alhamdulillah I made it to Thanksgiving. I am definitely staying positive, but I have barely been making progress. The idea of “small wins” gets me through day to day, but I have lost most control of the classroom (which incorrectly implies that I ever had control). Sometdays I tell myself that it’s the 8th graders that kill me. Other days I say it’s the 7th graders. And then there are others where I say it’s the 6th graders.
I don’t hate my life and every day I go in to school thinking that today will be different. But, it’s really not. Same kids not turning in homework. Same students frolicking throughout the classroom during instruction. Same girls mocking me and talking back to me. Several times I stand at the front of the classroom listening to and watching the chaos ensue in front of me. Many times I stand there in silence while students continue totally disregard my presence.
Frankly I am sick of using “systems.” I am sick of buying my kids things. I am sick of giving points to team Costa Rica for opening their notes when asked or team España for sitting in their seats during instruction. Even when kids “earn” points them with class points, they don’t deserve it. For example, I give points when the kids can silently brainstorm for 5 seconds. I give points when 80% of the students repeat a word when I say “repeat.” I always have kids come up to me at the end of the hour and ask “Ms Señorita Mararez, how come I ain’t get no extra credit when I act right all hour?” My response of course: because you are EXPECTED to “act right” all hour. I will give extra credit when you go above and beyond in class and when you show me that you are an exceptional student. However, sitting in your seat for 68 minutes and raising your hand to answer questions does NOT merit extra credit.
I had a rough moment yesterday when a parent who is always stopping by the school came in and caught me in the hall. He asked what I was doing for Thanksgiving break and I told him that I was heading home to Wisconsin. He asked “so how are the schools where you are from?” and then he added “in comparison to here…” I was not anticipating that last part and was not sure how to answer, as technically I am a representative of the school for which I work. I thought for a second, trying not to make my answer sound forced and answered “They’re really good.” While in my mind I was thinking “they are so much better than Benjamin Stoddert Middle School. In fact my experience in school was so great that I am concerned for your daughter’s well being and success as a student at this school.”
Of course I was not about to say that to this concerned parent, but that was the truth of the matter. What actually popped into my mind was a phraes that Mr Stien, the English teacher at West High School used a lot. He said “From here [Waukesha West High School], you can go anywhere.” Every time he used that I thought it sounded, for lack of better words, so dumb. Of course we could go anywhere… college, career, stay in Wisconsin, move to another city, go abroad, study science, major in literature. But only now do I think that I am beginning to understand what he meant. “Being able to go anywhere” is actually a very unique and uncommon quality. Waukesha West High School, even with all its administrative issues and student snootiness, offered a plethora of AP Courses, after school activities, leadership opportunities, scholarships, extracurricular conferences for students, and above all a relatively safe educational environment. Can I say that about the school where I work? I don’t think I can. Can I assure the parents of my students that from Benjamin Stoddert Middle School, they will be prepared to be successful in High School and beyond? Simply, no.
I am not sure where it happened, but at some point in my early life, my parents got through to me that anything less than the best is not acceptable. And that this concept applied to a variety of realms. Turning in a crumpled homework assignment was not okay. Printing an essay without revising it first was not okay.
I remember one specific time in elementary school (2nd or 3rd grade) when we students were made to write a note home to our parents about something. I was excited to present it to my parents, but when I gave it to my mother, her response was not as expected. She looked at it and read out loud “Mom and PAD? Maria does this say Dear Mom and PAD?” Of course it did not. It CLEARLY said mom and dad in my 2nd grade writing, but according to my mom I had not looped the D down low enough and instead it formed a P. I remember being so frustrated because why couldn’t she just take the note for what it was and put my ONE penmanship mistake aside? But as everything is always 20/20 in hindsight, I now see that this one incident was part of a greater scheme to instill the idea that I should and need to take pride in everything that I do, big and little. She made me erase my P and re-write it as a D.
This is one of the elements that I see my students missing. Somewhere along the line, the students have not learned this essential skill. Will they make it in the world without it? Yes. Will they do well without it? No. Will they get the best educational opportunities, jobs and ultimately live a fulfilling life as a result? While I can’t speak for anyone who isn’t me, I am going to assert a firm NO here as well. The absolute CRAP that I receive on a daily basis is laughable but sad at the same time. I feel obliged to give full credit on assignments that are not complete or on which the directions have not read or followed the directions because at least they did it at all. But then I think I am lowering my expectations for the students. Is it fair to them that I am accepting crippty crap from them now and thus, setting them up for failure in the work world and the world of higher education? Try to half-ass taking inventory at the café where you get a job in high school. Try to write a college essay which includes fragmented sentences and grave spelling and grammar errors. Try telling your boss that you lost your current project and for that reason are just not going to turn it in. FIRED. DENIED. AND FIRED. It’s such a struggle. Do I ONLY accept the best and make even the medium- smart kids feel like failures? Or do I accept the shite that I get now to at least make kids feel like they can achieve?
So that’s where I am right now.
I recently had a friend ask me if I was depressed because a negative comment that I made. I told him no, but that’s just the reality of the situation. I feel that I have now left the bubble of bliss and constant life harmony and entered the world where I am much more aware of the serious problems that plague our country and world. It’s awful. So many broken systems which perpetuate classism, racism, failure and desperation in our “great nation.” But of course that’s something that is obvious and which is exposed in the media all the time. The worst part about all of it is that I have really internalized the fact that I can only do so much and that “so much” will not solve anything.
A lot of people say “Well as long as your making a difference in the life of one kid, that’s enough.” Well, actually, when you have 180 children under your wing, helping one student is not enough. What about the other 179 who are potentially failing not only Spanish but Middle School in general? Is that acceptable for a marketer to tell his boss that “Well my new plan will reel in 1/180 of the market so I think we can consider this a success” Or how about a non-profit announcing that it has raised .005 % of its goal? PEOPLE, NO. IT AIN’T RIGHT.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
What I Really Think
When someone considering TFA in her future asked me my opinion of my current experience, I replied:
The program in and of itself is great, I would say. Lots of support. Lots of training. Opportunities at getting a masters in teaching for almost free. However, the american education system is a disaster. And when its all said and done, you are a teacher at your school before you are a Teach for America Corps member. Each school is very different and all Corps Members have very different experiences. Some people I have talked to are really guided and helped by their school's administration and others are basically hired and never contacted again. My situation would fall somewhere in the middle. I have learned so much in the last 6 months, but they have also been the most difficult, emotionally erratic and least enjoyable of my life. I know it sounds super depressing, but I just wanted to be completely honest with you since no one ever told me this previous to applying.
Everything that TFA tells you is 100% true. There is a huge gap between different groups of students in the US. American schools are failing. Good teachers make a huge difference in the education of students and competitive and compassionate young graduates will do a great job in the classroom.
What they don't tell you is that you'll be working from the moment you wake up until the moment you go to bed, spend hundreds of your own dollars on your students/classroom and unintentionally let your personal health and social life fall by the wayside. Also they dont tell you how disrespectful and unappreciative students are. While they are of course children and don't know better, no one cares how many hours of sleep you lacked to plan them fun and interactive activities. They will still express to you that they think you're a racist bitch, asshole and/or motherfucker. No one cares if you have a headache or if you're having some personal crisis. They still treat you with the same disrespect they do every day.
Granted these things are all parts of life in the United States. I think that most successful people are hard working and sacrifice many things in their personal life to better their professional life. Its just a rude awakening going from such an enjoyable and mostly stress free lifestyle in Madison to the sad truths of the "real world"
The program in and of itself is great, I would say. Lots of support. Lots of training. Opportunities at getting a masters in teaching for almost free. However, the american education system is a disaster. And when its all said and done, you are a teacher at your school before you are a Teach for America Corps member. Each school is very different and all Corps Members have very different experiences. Some people I have talked to are really guided and helped by their school's administration and others are basically hired and never contacted again. My situation would fall somewhere in the middle. I have learned so much in the last 6 months, but they have also been the most difficult, emotionally erratic and least enjoyable of my life. I know it sounds super depressing, but I just wanted to be completely honest with you since no one ever told me this previous to applying.
Everything that TFA tells you is 100% true. There is a huge gap between different groups of students in the US. American schools are failing. Good teachers make a huge difference in the education of students and competitive and compassionate young graduates will do a great job in the classroom.
What they don't tell you is that you'll be working from the moment you wake up until the moment you go to bed, spend hundreds of your own dollars on your students/classroom and unintentionally let your personal health and social life fall by the wayside. Also they dont tell you how disrespectful and unappreciative students are. While they are of course children and don't know better, no one cares how many hours of sleep you lacked to plan them fun and interactive activities. They will still express to you that they think you're a racist bitch, asshole and/or motherfucker. No one cares if you have a headache or if you're having some personal crisis. They still treat you with the same disrespect they do every day.
Granted these things are all parts of life in the United States. I think that most successful people are hard working and sacrifice many things in their personal life to better their professional life. Its just a rude awakening going from such an enjoyable and mostly stress free lifestyle in Madison to the sad truths of the "real world"
Friday, November 12, 2010
life after masr
here's an update of my life after my 6 weeks in Egypt that I wrote for an email chain among the 12 AFS Egypt 2006 Summer Program guinea pigs:
After returning from Egypt, I started my first year at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. Once I moved into my dorm I sought out the Arabic Langauge and Culture Club and found myself interacting with students from all over the Middle East even before meeting your average 18 year old American college kids. I continued to study Arabic in informal settings like Arabic Language Club and in having ESOL "conversation partners" from a local English school. I also continued to study Modern Standard Arabic for 3 semesters before focusing more heavily on Spanish. I entered UW-Madison planning to complete a major in International Studies but by the time I graduated, I had earned a double major in International Studies and Spanish and two minors in Middle Eastern Studies and African Studies. Aside from studies, I was part of an student-run international business organization called AIESEC in which my role was "International Opportunity Specialist for Egypt." In this role I held web conferences to coach college students from across the United States on Egyptian culture before they moved there to carry out an internship.
In 2009, I studied for a semester in Alcalá de Henares, Spain and then spent the summer Athens, Greece. From Athens, I was able to travel back to Egypt for 3 weeks to visit friends who were studying at American University in Cairo. This "homecoming" was quite a bit more emotional that I anticipated, as I could not believe that I was returning to the place that changed the track of my life forever. In fact as soon as I spotted the Nile Delta from the plane window I had to wipe a tear, and by the time we were flying over Zamalek and the Cairo Tower I was full out laughing/ crying and being stared at by several other passengers on that flight. I was able to meet up with my host family, several friends that I had met there and even ran into two AFS volunteers at Felfela as they were heading home from a YES orientation with Huda. (As I was eating my wara' el-3inab, someone tapped my shoulder and asked me " Excuse me, but are you Maria Ramirez?" That someone turned out to be Sameh from AFS). I also explored Cairo night life for the first time with the help of 24-hour alcohol delivery service, Drinkiez, Buddha Bar, Club Latex and a crazy British-Sudanese twenty-something living on the 30th floor of a swank apartment building in the middle of Zamalek. (delete last sentence from final draft)
I have since graduated in May 2010 from UW-Madison, and I am currently a middle school Spanish teacher Prince George's County, Maryland as part of the Teach for America alternative teacher certification program. While I previously thought Egypt was "the hardest thing I've ever done," I am reconsidering using that phrase for the current stage of my life.
Nonetheless, I am confident in saying that Egypt has been the single most transformative experience in my life. I will agree with Justin in saying that there are really no words to describe the ways in which those six short weeks have impacted my life, studies and relationships. However I would like to close with a short story about how Egypt continues to impact me on a daily basis-even in the smallest ways.
Yesterday, after the 8th graders finished their Unit 1 Spanish test, I told them that they could silently take out any other work while their classmates were finishing their test. As I circulated the room, one student's paper caught my eye. It looked somewhat like he was writing Arabic text, but I didn't say anything because I did not want to interrupt the "test environment." Upon passing him again, he had a print out of the Arabic alphabet on his desk and was clearly copying the letters. I couldn't hold my excitement in any longer, so I bent down to him and asked "What's that for?" He answered that he heard some people speaking it, thought it sounded interesting and looked it up online. Still, he was not connecting his letters, so I told him "Well, you're doing it wrong. Come after school and I'll show you what I mean." Not expecting too much from this student who is earning a 50% average in my class and talks through each 68-minute class period, Devin walked through my door a few minutes after the last bell rang, Arabic alphabet print out in hand and a handful of questions in mind.
I taught him first how to write his name, then showed him pictures of Cairo and videos I took at the pyramids and Hadeeqat al-Azhar. Though I spend the majority of my time immersed in the Spanish language, I live for the moments that I can interact with others around the Arabic language and culture. And being able to share that with one of my students gave me a renewed sense of meaning as a teacher and of course, as a AFS "citizen ambassador."
After returning from Egypt, I started my first year at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. Once I moved into my dorm I sought out the Arabic Langauge and Culture Club and found myself interacting with students from all over the Middle East even before meeting your average 18 year old American college kids. I continued to study Arabic in informal settings like Arabic Language Club and in having ESOL "conversation partners" from a local English school. I also continued to study Modern Standard Arabic for 3 semesters before focusing more heavily on Spanish. I entered UW-Madison planning to complete a major in International Studies but by the time I graduated, I had earned a double major in International Studies and Spanish and two minors in Middle Eastern Studies and African Studies. Aside from studies, I was part of an student-run international business organization called AIESEC in which my role was "International Opportunity Specialist for Egypt." In this role I held web conferences to coach college students from across the United States on Egyptian culture before they moved there to carry out an internship.
In 2009, I studied for a semester in Alcalá de Henares, Spain and then spent the summer Athens, Greece. From Athens, I was able to travel back to Egypt for 3 weeks to visit friends who were studying at American University in Cairo. This "homecoming" was quite a bit more emotional that I anticipated, as I could not believe that I was returning to the place that changed the track of my life forever. In fact as soon as I spotted the Nile Delta from the plane window I had to wipe a tear, and by the time we were flying over Zamalek and the Cairo Tower I was full out laughing/ crying and being stared at by several other passengers on that flight. I was able to meet up with my host family, several friends that I had met there and even ran into two AFS volunteers at Felfela as they were heading home from a YES orientation with Huda. (As I was eating my wara' el-3inab, someone tapped my shoulder and asked me " Excuse me, but are you Maria Ramirez?" That someone turned out to be Sameh from AFS). I also explored Cairo night life for the first time with the help of 24-hour alcohol delivery service, Drinkiez, Buddha Bar, Club Latex and a crazy British-Sudanese twenty-something living on the 30th floor of a swank apartment building in the middle of Zamalek. (delete last sentence from final draft)
I have since graduated in May 2010 from UW-Madison, and I am currently a middle school Spanish teacher Prince George's County, Maryland as part of the Teach for America alternative teacher certification program. While I previously thought Egypt was "the hardest thing I've ever done," I am reconsidering using that phrase for the current stage of my life.
Nonetheless, I am confident in saying that Egypt has been the single most transformative experience in my life. I will agree with Justin in saying that there are really no words to describe the ways in which those six short weeks have impacted my life, studies and relationships. However I would like to close with a short story about how Egypt continues to impact me on a daily basis-even in the smallest ways.
Yesterday, after the 8th graders finished their Unit 1 Spanish test, I told them that they could silently take out any other work while their classmates were finishing their test. As I circulated the room, one student's paper caught my eye. It looked somewhat like he was writing Arabic text, but I didn't say anything because I did not want to interrupt the "test environment." Upon passing him again, he had a print out of the Arabic alphabet on his desk and was clearly copying the letters. I couldn't hold my excitement in any longer, so I bent down to him and asked "What's that for?" He answered that he heard some people speaking it, thought it sounded interesting and looked it up online. Still, he was not connecting his letters, so I told him "Well, you're doing it wrong. Come after school and I'll show you what I mean." Not expecting too much from this student who is earning a 50% average in my class and talks through each 68-minute class period, Devin walked through my door a few minutes after the last bell rang, Arabic alphabet print out in hand and a handful of questions in mind.
I taught him first how to write his name, then showed him pictures of Cairo and videos I took at the pyramids and Hadeeqat al-Azhar. Though I spend the majority of my time immersed in the Spanish language, I live for the moments that I can interact with others around the Arabic language and culture. And being able to share that with one of my students gave me a renewed sense of meaning as a teacher and of course, as a AFS "citizen ambassador."
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Kids say the darndest things
me: ¡Siéntense, estudiantes!"
student: Hey Ms. Ramirez that sounds like a Harry Potter curse. sientense!
I couldn't help but to break out laughing in the middle of instruction. Granted, this was said by the same student that stole and later chucked my phone into the yard of a nearby house. It was funny, but I did NOT want to give him that satisfaction of making me laugh!
anyway, important thing being: phone is recovered.
student: Hey Ms. Ramirez that sounds like a Harry Potter curse.
I couldn't help but to break out laughing in the middle of instruction. Granted, this was said by the same student that stole and later chucked my phone into the yard of a nearby house. It was funny, but I did NOT want to give him that satisfaction of making me laugh!
anyway, important thing being: phone is recovered.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
So Mad
Awful week. Phone stolen off desk by student while I was in the room today. I dedicate all my time to these kids and this is my reward? Awesome.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Friday Furlough
GREAT NEWS on the homefront....
This Friday is a furlough day. That is, the state of Maryland is so broke that it gives its school districts unpaid days off. This is okay by me. I will forgo one day of pay for a day during which I can catch up. The weekends are no longer sufficient for getting ahead. They are only sufficient for getting by. For example, I worked 8-10 PM on Friday 10AM- 7PM on Saturday and 8AM-8PM on Sunday and I still am not caught up in life. ( I also, as a side note) went out on Saturday night and fell asleep at a bar) What will you do for that much time and still not be caught up, you ask? Lesson planning and classroom management takes far more time than i could have imagined. It takes about 3 hour for me to plan each daily lesson since it includes a outline of the plan, a powerpoint, a guided note sheet and some sort of guided practice activity. I know I should be using other resources, but even that takes a significant amount of time to find exactly what is needed and adapt it for my purposes. I've found that there is not much research/ lesson plan advice for urban classrooms of 35-40 students. That is, plans which take into account that teachers must purchase all their resources, have limited copies, no laminator and are working with students who will take a 3 second lag time to begin some flagrant act of disobedience. Thus, I (and all other teachers in similar classrooms) must think and plan out every minute of the lesson so that students will not have the opportunity to act up or call out and subsequently take the whole class on their downward spiral of misbehavior. 3 lesson plans per week x 3 hours per plan = 9 hours
Then there's grad school.
This Friday is a furlough day. That is, the state of Maryland is so broke that it gives its school districts unpaid days off. This is okay by me. I will forgo one day of pay for a day during which I can catch up. The weekends are no longer sufficient for getting ahead. They are only sufficient for getting by. For example, I worked 8-10 PM on Friday 10AM- 7PM on Saturday and 8AM-8PM on Sunday and I still am not caught up in life. ( I also, as a side note) went out on Saturday night and fell asleep at a bar) What will you do for that much time and still not be caught up, you ask? Lesson planning and classroom management takes far more time than i could have imagined. It takes about 3 hour for me to plan each daily lesson since it includes a outline of the plan, a powerpoint, a guided note sheet and some sort of guided practice activity. I know I should be using other resources, but even that takes a significant amount of time to find exactly what is needed and adapt it for my purposes. I've found that there is not much research/ lesson plan advice for urban classrooms of 35-40 students. That is, plans which take into account that teachers must purchase all their resources, have limited copies, no laminator and are working with students who will take a 3 second lag time to begin some flagrant act of disobedience. Thus, I (and all other teachers in similar classrooms) must think and plan out every minute of the lesson so that students will not have the opportunity to act up or call out and subsequently take the whole class on their downward spiral of misbehavior. 3 lesson plans per week x 3 hours per plan = 9 hours
Then there's grad school.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Finally an update
Hola amigos-
I am currently sitting in bed after my Saturday night out "release night." I've been giving myself one per week no matter how much work I have finished or not finished. I've accepted the fact that there will always be a mile long to do list and that I could always do more. And I mean that not in the way that I meant it in college. That is, in college you always have more to do because you always could be working further ahead on the syllabus or more thoroughly completing a reading. Right now, those tasks are also hanging over me, but then add to that classroom management, grading, TFA professional development, Prince George's county professional development, and establishing oneself in a new city. And its literally impossible to be caught up on everything all the time.
It's funny because at every point in my life -traveling around Europe and the Middle East, taking on a new job, taking a new class- I tell myself "This is the hardest thing that I've ever done," and I think to myself that that experience will prepare me so well for whatever else comes in my future. Well ladies and gentleman, let me tell you that I was dead wrong about all of that. Perhaps parts of things that I previously did were difficult and perhaps parts of what I learned from those experiences are helping me now, but on the whole THIS is by far the most difficult thing I've ever done and I can't think of anything in my past that would have really prepared me for it.
I now understand what the "real world" is. Yes, you may laugh in my face if you want. I resisted this idea as valid for a very long time. I didn't like the thought that the world that I was previously living in was by default "fake". The experiences that I was having were so real to me and I believed that my life was so rich that I didn't believe that there could be a whole other world out there that I was missing out on. Again, WRONG. Not to say that my past experiences were not valid or real, it is just that they took place within a bubble of utopia and lack of "real world pressures." I thought that the real world might include features of the jobs I held in Madison or it may be new and stressful like plopping myself down into a new city- something I have done several times in several locations....once again, WRONG. I thought I might be prepared because of past life experiences but the transition into the "real world" is something I was surely not prepared for and something that I could even go so far as to say that I'm failing at.
First of all, lets talk about moving to a new city. I now realize how spoiled I was living for 4 years in a city that was 1 hour away from my hometown and family. When I arrived to my new apartment in DC, I was absolutely frazzled. I slept on a rug in my empty room for a night before my friend Devra swooped in and saved me with a sleepover at her house and a mega-trip to Target and Ikea. It's been wonderful having so many friends in the area because they have helped me at every step of the way. I can't imagine moving to a city where I literally know NOBODY. While DC is a new city, I have the support of my friends, roommates and their families to help me get starting-something I am so thankful for. In Madison, they make moving so easy for you. It makes sense. There are thousands of people moving around each year, each semester, coming from all across the world. For some reason, when I thought about moving to DC, I never thought about the necessity OR the HUGE cost of furnishing a bedroom, much less a home. That has been one challenge for me since I have always been provided with a bed everything else I needed came my dad's Mercury Mountaineer or a U-Haul that the Wiesners shared with us. Needless to say furnishing a house on your own using a Ford Focus coupe for transportation has been a challenge. But things are coming together. My roommates are all from the Northeast so their parents have been down a few times to bring loads of STUFF- furniture, kitchen utensils, artwork, rugs, etc. I am proud to say that despite the ikea and amazon.com boxes that are sprawled in our breakfast nook, our house is becoming a home.
This is the first living situation (in the US, that is) that I've been in where I really feel like I am part of the household and we are truly sharing a living space. Unlike previous arrangements, I do not spend all my time in my room and the kitchen is not so strictly divided that we can't use each others salt or butter. I love the fact that we go out together on the weekends, we cook and eat dinner together and sit in the living room on those really tough days and bitch and drink a beer together. This is not just a place where I keep my stuff and where I sleep at night, but rather a place that I can and am proud to call home. That is absolutely necessary when I come home after a day at work where I've been stepped all over by 11 and 12 year olds and despite the fact that I have to extend the misery and devote my night to lesson planning, I am in a comfortable place with people who make me laugh.
So now for the part that everyone wants to hear about the most: my crazy, crazy job. I am a 6th and 7th grade (soon to be 8th as well) teacher at Benjamin Stoddert Middle School in Temple Hills, Maryland. To give some background, an average day in the life includes me waking up at 5:45, making myself a delicious breakfast (seeing as how the next time I usually have time to eat is dinner) and leaving for school around 7 AM. The children are released from their holding chambers (gym and cafeteria) at 8:20 and move "purposefully and expeditiously through the hallways towards their classes" (as the principal announces they should do every morning) and instruction begins at 8:30. Each period is 90 minutes long and my first period is my planning time-something which both love and hate. It means that I have two and a half hours to prepare every day when I get to school (since I arrive at 7:30), but at the same time it means that I have no break for the rest of the day, except for the 30 minute lunch period during which I am expected to escort my class to lunch and then deal with the several misbehaving students from my previous class. I start teaching at 10:00 AM and finish at 3:10 when the bell rings. During that time period I have three 90 minute long classes of 31-43 10-13 year olds. It's and A/B day modular schedule and I see a total of 181 students every two days.
Some classes are engaged in the material and silently listen to what I have to say and then follow the directions that I give. Then other classes are literally ZOOs. Actually not a zoo because a zoo implies that the creatures are caged and managed. My classes could better be described as a amateur bull fight free for all, as I saw it in Costa Rica. A bunch of fools jump in a ring and try to pop some balloons that are attached to the bull. I am the bull. My students are the amateur fools running around the room. Normally I gallop around the room to try and provoke the fools, but sometimes I get into a rage and charge at specific ones while they flee, running and screaming. Some of the amateur torreros stand quietly on the periphery waiting for something to happen, but others run towards me to see if they can get a rise out of me. Friends, this is not far from the truth.
In some of my classes, I have students sing at the top of their lungs during instruction, who are constantly turned around talking to neighbors, crumpling up papers at their desk and throwing them into the garbage or at other students. I have students who stand up to go talk to friends across the room or just stand up for no known reason. Those problems only take place with about 1-2 students per hour though. I real wide-spread problem is students calling out. For example during a previous instruction I asked students to look at a map on which the Roman empire was pink and see what happens as I change the slides to the pink area (trying to demonstrate the spread of latin to current day Spain). Apparently I had mis-judged the color and students began their protest. Ms. Señorita Ramirez, that's not pink its orange. Nah-uh its brown. A student raises his hand. Ok everyone, I need silencio, por favor. Quinten has something to share with us. (I'm thinking I successfully got everyone quiet and Quinten was going to ask a relevant question. Ms Señorita, its pink on the computer screen but orange on the projector screen. Then others: its not pink its more red on the computer! ... and so on and so forth. This happens every day with SOMETHING. I misspelled a word on my powerpoint. I referred back to something we did on Day 5 when it was really learned on Day 6. I share with the students that I'm not Spanish, but instead American. I think the students think about everything so literally that if what I say or do is not SPOT ON, they are confused. That I get, but students opening their mouthes during instruction EVERY MINUTE. Not okay.
Ok well I'm going to leave off here. Must begin lesson planning so that I'm not killing myself tonight or during the week when, oh yeah, the administration is doing a major overhaul of the schedule and I will be getting losing all my 6th graders (the angels!) and 50% new students- most likely 8th graders.
more to come about grad school, DC living and of course... the children.
I am currently sitting in bed after my Saturday night out "release night." I've been giving myself one per week no matter how much work I have finished or not finished. I've accepted the fact that there will always be a mile long to do list and that I could always do more. And I mean that not in the way that I meant it in college. That is, in college you always have more to do because you always could be working further ahead on the syllabus or more thoroughly completing a reading. Right now, those tasks are also hanging over me, but then add to that classroom management, grading, TFA professional development, Prince George's county professional development, and establishing oneself in a new city. And its literally impossible to be caught up on everything all the time.
It's funny because at every point in my life -traveling around Europe and the Middle East, taking on a new job, taking a new class- I tell myself "This is the hardest thing that I've ever done," and I think to myself that that experience will prepare me so well for whatever else comes in my future. Well ladies and gentleman, let me tell you that I was dead wrong about all of that. Perhaps parts of things that I previously did were difficult and perhaps parts of what I learned from those experiences are helping me now, but on the whole THIS is by far the most difficult thing I've ever done and I can't think of anything in my past that would have really prepared me for it.
I now understand what the "real world" is. Yes, you may laugh in my face if you want. I resisted this idea as valid for a very long time. I didn't like the thought that the world that I was previously living in was by default "fake". The experiences that I was having were so real to me and I believed that my life was so rich that I didn't believe that there could be a whole other world out there that I was missing out on. Again, WRONG. Not to say that my past experiences were not valid or real, it is just that they took place within a bubble of utopia and lack of "real world pressures." I thought that the real world might include features of the jobs I held in Madison or it may be new and stressful like plopping myself down into a new city- something I have done several times in several locations....once again, WRONG. I thought I might be prepared because of past life experiences but the transition into the "real world" is something I was surely not prepared for and something that I could even go so far as to say that I'm failing at.
First of all, lets talk about moving to a new city. I now realize how spoiled I was living for 4 years in a city that was 1 hour away from my hometown and family. When I arrived to my new apartment in DC, I was absolutely frazzled. I slept on a rug in my empty room for a night before my friend Devra swooped in and saved me with a sleepover at her house and a mega-trip to Target and Ikea. It's been wonderful having so many friends in the area because they have helped me at every step of the way. I can't imagine moving to a city where I literally know NOBODY. While DC is a new city, I have the support of my friends, roommates and their families to help me get starting-something I am so thankful for. In Madison, they make moving so easy for you. It makes sense. There are thousands of people moving around each year, each semester, coming from all across the world. For some reason, when I thought about moving to DC, I never thought about the necessity OR the HUGE cost of furnishing a bedroom, much less a home. That has been one challenge for me since I have always been provided with a bed everything else I needed came my dad's Mercury Mountaineer or a U-Haul that the Wiesners shared with us. Needless to say furnishing a house on your own using a Ford Focus coupe for transportation has been a challenge. But things are coming together. My roommates are all from the Northeast so their parents have been down a few times to bring loads of STUFF- furniture, kitchen utensils, artwork, rugs, etc. I am proud to say that despite the ikea and amazon.com boxes that are sprawled in our breakfast nook, our house is becoming a home.
This is the first living situation (in the US, that is) that I've been in where I really feel like I am part of the household and we are truly sharing a living space. Unlike previous arrangements, I do not spend all my time in my room and the kitchen is not so strictly divided that we can't use each others salt or butter. I love the fact that we go out together on the weekends, we cook and eat dinner together and sit in the living room on those really tough days and bitch and drink a beer together. This is not just a place where I keep my stuff and where I sleep at night, but rather a place that I can and am proud to call home. That is absolutely necessary when I come home after a day at work where I've been stepped all over by 11 and 12 year olds and despite the fact that I have to extend the misery and devote my night to lesson planning, I am in a comfortable place with people who make me laugh.
So now for the part that everyone wants to hear about the most: my crazy, crazy job. I am a 6th and 7th grade (soon to be 8th as well) teacher at Benjamin Stoddert Middle School in Temple Hills, Maryland. To give some background, an average day in the life includes me waking up at 5:45, making myself a delicious breakfast (seeing as how the next time I usually have time to eat is dinner) and leaving for school around 7 AM. The children are released from their holding chambers (gym and cafeteria) at 8:20 and move "purposefully and expeditiously through the hallways towards their classes" (as the principal announces they should do every morning) and instruction begins at 8:30. Each period is 90 minutes long and my first period is my planning time-something which both love and hate. It means that I have two and a half hours to prepare every day when I get to school (since I arrive at 7:30), but at the same time it means that I have no break for the rest of the day, except for the 30 minute lunch period during which I am expected to escort my class to lunch and then deal with the several misbehaving students from my previous class. I start teaching at 10:00 AM and finish at 3:10 when the bell rings. During that time period I have three 90 minute long classes of 31-43 10-13 year olds. It's and A/B day modular schedule and I see a total of 181 students every two days.
Some classes are engaged in the material and silently listen to what I have to say and then follow the directions that I give. Then other classes are literally ZOOs. Actually not a zoo because a zoo implies that the creatures are caged and managed. My classes could better be described as a amateur bull fight free for all, as I saw it in Costa Rica. A bunch of fools jump in a ring and try to pop some balloons that are attached to the bull. I am the bull. My students are the amateur fools running around the room. Normally I gallop around the room to try and provoke the fools, but sometimes I get into a rage and charge at specific ones while they flee, running and screaming. Some of the amateur torreros stand quietly on the periphery waiting for something to happen, but others run towards me to see if they can get a rise out of me. Friends, this is not far from the truth.
In some of my classes, I have students sing at the top of their lungs during instruction, who are constantly turned around talking to neighbors, crumpling up papers at their desk and throwing them into the garbage or at other students. I have students who stand up to go talk to friends across the room or just stand up for no known reason. Those problems only take place with about 1-2 students per hour though. I real wide-spread problem is students calling out. For example during a previous instruction I asked students to look at a map on which the Roman empire was pink and see what happens as I change the slides to the pink area (trying to demonstrate the spread of latin to current day Spain). Apparently I had mis-judged the color and students began their protest. Ms. Señorita Ramirez, that's not pink its orange. Nah-uh its brown. A student raises his hand. Ok everyone, I need silencio, por favor. Quinten has something to share with us. (I'm thinking I successfully got everyone quiet and Quinten was going to ask a relevant question. Ms Señorita, its pink on the computer screen but orange on the projector screen. Then others: its not pink its more red on the computer! ... and so on and so forth. This happens every day with SOMETHING. I misspelled a word on my powerpoint. I referred back to something we did on Day 5 when it was really learned on Day 6. I share with the students that I'm not Spanish, but instead American. I think the students think about everything so literally that if what I say or do is not SPOT ON, they are confused. That I get, but students opening their mouthes during instruction EVERY MINUTE. Not okay.
Ok well I'm going to leave off here. Must begin lesson planning so that I'm not killing myself tonight or during the week when, oh yeah, the administration is doing a major overhaul of the schedule and I will be getting losing all my 6th graders (the angels!) and 50% new students- most likely 8th graders.
more to come about grad school, DC living and of course... the children.
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